Lately, the Lifespike editorial team has asked me to write an article in Chinese. But it has been quite some time since I last wrote a Chinese essay ! So if there are any misrepresentations in my article, I do apologize in advance.

Actually, this being my 1st Lifespike article in Chinese, I should probably have picked something easier to write about, but this topic has been on my mind lately, so I figured I might as well give it a go anyway !

Question is : What is love ? Is this love emotion so all-important that people would do anything in the name of so-called love ? What happens if this love suddenly turns sour, resulting in a breakup ? How then would you deal with the breakdown of this all-powerful emotion ? Recently my cousin went through a breakup with his girlfriend. The object of his affections is someone whom he had known since his university days, and she had decided one fine day to call it quits. As with all typical breakups, he had not seen this coming. Common right? Usually one party would deem the relationship as being unsalvageable and hopeless while the other party might go “huh… there was a problem??” And so began his journey into what I would call, the 3 key phases of Breakups :-

Phase 1 : Self Reproach

Initially, my cousin was transfixed on finding a root cause…what went wrong ? whose fault was it ? was it my fault or hers ?? But in retrospective, once the relationship has reached this juncture, right or wrong does not seem all that important now, does it ?

For a period of time, my cousin wondered if the problem lied solely with him. “Am I that bad that no one could stand me ?”..“Are my flaws really that irritable?”…” What can I change to make her come back to me”... All those were thoughts that were spinning through his mind and probably in the minds of most newly broken-up couples I believe. He tried consulting his closest friends (and this is when the friend support system is so absolutely critical as well!) Gradually as time passed, he began to realize that maybe it was not just about him. That’s when he gradually progressed to Phase 2…

Phase 2 : Anger

Once he realized that he might not be the main source of the problem, all the disappointment and self reproach quickly manifested itself into a form of anger. No longer was cousin thinking it was his fault but he started to focus on all the bad habits and issues he has had with his now ex-girlfriend. Gradually he realized that as with all relationship breakdowns, both parties have a part to play in it. With that, he began to mentally block out all the happy moments and started to focus on the unhappy times and flaws which he believe would make it easier for him to get over the breakup.

Phase 3 : Revenge

This phase is rather subjective as revenge can viewed in many forms. If handled tactfully, this could be the make or break point of the relationship or what’s left of it. Most of the time, revenge is best done in a way that you want to be able to demonstrate that you have emerged a better person as a result of the breakup. You really don’t want to appear an emotional mess and give the other party a chance to go “Ok, see... I have made the right decision to dump the guy/girl !!” .

This being the technology age, my cousin came up with something innovative. The weapon of choice : Facebook!! How it is done : By mentioning all the latest In-places he has been,  new hobbies that he has taken up, pictures of all the pretty ladies he had met, oh and did I mention the most effective one of all, he headed to the gym, and emerged with a killer bod. In a way, it is a subtle way of hinting that he is moving on and is on the road to recovery. True enough, his ex-girlfriend went on Facebook one day, to sneak a peek at his latest progress and was mortified to find that he is not only surviving the breakup but doing really well at that. Eventually, she even found herself regretting ever having brought up the idea of a breakup (unbelievable right ??).

The last I heard, she actually went to look up by cousin to ask for reconciliation. If my cousin knew what was good for him, he would run away faster than Carl Lewis ever did in his best sprint time !!

Some people might feel that after a breakup the best thing to do is to completely avoidance of each other, a so-called clean break. What you can’t see, can’t hurt right ? You might even go through the phase where you don’t ever want to see or talk to the other party, even if its on MSN Messenger chat, because it hurts too much to dig up old wounds abet having the face the person every day !! But when you have run through the whole array of emotions as part of the breakup, eventually you might come to realize that it might be a waste to destroy a perfectly good friendship just because you are no longer together, especially if you have had a good relationship with your ex from the start and have already invested too many years of your life to be able to write him/her out of your life just like that.

What might help is if you gave the relationship some time and space. While you are at it, give yourself some space as well and take up some new hobbies and try some new things in your life. Sometimes, the feelings never quite all go away and the road to recovery is never easy, but it has been done before. Instead of wasting precious time by plotting revenge on Facebook, you might as well use it to get to get in touch with old friends and while you are at it, make some new ones as well !!

In essence, there is no right or wrong way to survive a breakup. Each relationship is different and therefore might require a different course of post break-up analysis.

If however you have a better opinion on how to survive a breakup which you feel might help the many heart-broken people out there, please do share it with me by dropping me a comment in the discussion link below! Thank you in advice !

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